Not Much is Linear

Most people crave a certain level of order in their life, but in reality not much is linear. When things aren’t going the way I expect them to I often resort to my fill in the blank mantra of ______ isn’t linear. Most recently I’ve been repeating to myself and others who ask about my recovery, ‘Well, you know, healing isn’t linear.’  And it isn’t, nor is much else; growth, understanding, relationships or storytelling; even getting from point A to point B can involve many detours and plenty of digressions. Cooking and math are linear, and I only engage in one of them.

I wouldn’t describe myself as a particularly orderly person. I spend a lot of time looking for things that aren’t in the place they should be, though when I put them in that mystery spot it made perfect sense. That’s because when I put it away I had just used that tape measure to measure my table, but now I need it for a sewing project so that’s why it’s in the drawer with the picture hooks and chair slides when it should be in my sewing box.

Whether you are someone who alphabetizes their spices, or someone who knows they have cinnamon in there somewhere (I have two) there is comfort in tasks that are linear, and that is one of the things I love about cooking. Cooking must be done in steps. In fact that’s how recipes are written, in a clear linear fashion (if they’re well written). If you’re an experienced cook you can read the ingredients and know intuitively the steps you’ll need to follow for a successful dish. It wouldn’t work if you decided to sauté your vegetables before chopping them, but some steps are more subtle, and it’s those steps that can ruin something if you decide to go off script and improvise without the knowledge to back up that choice.

Writing, unlike cooking isn’t linear at all, it weaves and meanders and if it’s skillful, takes you places you had no idea you were headed. What you read is often the result of the rejection of (too) many words, re-working of paragraphs and phrases, and what I still find to be an astonishing amount of editing. Believe me, if you enjoy my writing it’s because you don’t see my first or even fifth drafts. WordPress kindly offers me a count of revisions, and I’d say I average eight to ten. I often check the sign I made that hangs in view of my keyboard and reads What is the story you want to tell? and is the reminder I need to cut, splice write and rewrite.

Cooking is physical, and linear, writing cerebral and not linear. By combining them I get to access both aspects of myself. If you are mathematical you may be able to create an orderly, linear environment, but that is something I can’t seem to manage. Some people might say that’s because I’m “a creative type” but I don’t believe that. I think it’s because I’ve accepted the circuitous journey of my life, and I’m comfortable with it, sometimes. I can live with a little mess, in fact I need a little mess to feel comfortable. So you can try to get your ducks in a row, but when they start to waddle off, and they will, remind yourself, a rows of ducks like almost everything else, are not linear.