Temptation

Since starting this blog I am spending more time than ever on the internet, and it is filled with so many different types of temptation. I am reading a lot more blogs, doing research, looking at recipes and generally over stimulating my already busy brain. One of the many side effects of all this visual as well as mental stimulation is that my mind is filled with images and bits and pieces of information and I can’t remember where I saw them. I don’t recall what is some random ad, and what was a legit article, and if the source is credible. I am being tempted in all kinds of way, and I have found a powerful new temptation considering that I have recently freed myself from diets.

My latest temptation; the slow carb diet promises great results, in record time, with little effort, and by just cutting out a few foods. Yikes! I’m sure this sounds familiar to anyone who has ever been on even one diet, and that’s a whole lot of people. I will not go into detail; I will not even insert a helpful link; if you’re interested you will have no trouble finding it without me enabling you. If I decided to follow this plan I would give up many foods I like, six days a week, and eat whatever I want, in whatever quantities I choose on the seventh, so I’m sure you can see how tempting this is, as well as being recipe for disaster!

Because I have made the decision to make peace with food, and to work out a positive relationship with it on my terms, should not in any way signal to you that I have made peace with my body! That is an entirely different and even bigger (pun intended) hurdle. I would very much like to weigh at least forty pound less, and really sixty would be even better, but having spent the majority of my adult life dieting, while steadily gaining weight, I am not willing to give in to the siren call of yet another guaranteed, foolproof, simple, etc. etc. diet, plan, lifestyle change, or whatever you’d like to label this particular lottery ticket. I want to, I really do, but I will remain steadfast.

There are people diets work for. I personally know some of them, and I applaud them, and envy them, but I am not one of them. Over the years I have gotten too clever and adept at dieting. I can outsmart any diet you can come up with—and by outsmart I mean manipulate to the point where I manage to feel deprived yet am gaining weight while following the plan—so let’s do the math, me + years of dieting= fat me. Not that smart… I must not weaken, I must not allow myself to be seduced, I must remain strong and eat a piece of the peach –blueberry pie I made and brought to friends’ house for dinner, after enjoying cheese and baguette hors d’oeuvres and a delicious dinner.

One of ways I am making peace with food, is really thinking about what to eat, and when. When I am alone (which is more often than I prefer) I eat at odd times, and tend to eat my biggest meal at midday, especially in this heat (it has been very, very hot here). I have been making lovely salads, eating summer corn which I probably mention in almost every one of my posts, and generally staying calm about the whole thing. That part has freed up a good deal of mental energy, and has allowed me to ease up on the self-loathing I engage in regularly.

I don’t foresee a decrease in my internet activity, and I will continue to face all sorts of distractions as well as temptations, from books I’d love to buy, clothing that would not be flattering, and guaranteed quick fixes for my many flaws and imperfections (internal as well as external). Just as I resist the urge to stop off for a ‘free’ make-over at Bloomingdales I will not succumb to the slow carb or any other diet because I understand at this point that the only promise is that I will gain more weight and feel worse about myself, and I am not interested in that program!
July 22, 2013