Sharing My Kitchen

As much as love having company over, especially for meals, it can sometimes be a challenge for me to share my kitchen.  Guests often want to help, and though I appreciate the offer there aren’t too many people with whom I can comfortably co-cook.  In culinary school team cooking was the norm, and mercifully we got to choose out partners, which made all the difference!  The other oddity is that in others’ kitchens I’m perfectly happy to follow their lead, and in fact when I cook with my family for holidays I’m content in the rôle of sous chef; chopping, cutting and doing the prep work.

Though I don’t consider myself bossy (sorry if you disagree) when we’re in my kitchen we do things my way.  I don’t know that I was fully aware of this until I found myself sharing my kitchen with the new girlfriend of an old friend, and she started telling me what to do, and how. At first I just felt an undercurrent of discomfort, but in no time that feeling grew and blossomed into feelings of  such anger and resentment they took my by surprise!  I wanted to yell at her; I wanted to choke her…OK, I didn’t like her all that much to start with, but this was unacceptable, I wanted her O-U-T.

We were making a complicated and multi-component choucroute garnie, and I really needed help to get this meal done in a reasonable amount of time.  I gritted my teeth, tried to be pleasant and cooperative and kept focused on the task at hand.  I can’t even recall specifically how I dealt with her, but this event certainly didn’t improve my relationship with her, and I made sure to do anything I could to keep her out of my kitchen after that.

Over the years I’ve learned to temper my alpha chef, and generally can keep my cool, but even with my daughter I sometimes get testy and frustrated. Though it may be somewhat of a result of my training, efficiency is really important to me.  I like to carefully set up my work area to match the task at hand, to get the job done as expeditiously as possible, and minimize the mess, and hence the clean up.  I love the concept of mise en place. and have an assortment of bowls ranging in size to use.  I don’t start without a plan, and I have come to realize that some people find this trait obnoxious. Huh!

But all of that being said, what really drives me nuts, what really irritates me and sets me off is when someone comes in to my house, my kitchen, and corrects the way I’m doing things.  I leave my butter on the counter.  This seems to alarm some people and friends have visited and said to me “Oh, you forgot to put your butter away”  and when I say I want it out, they argue, lecture me on the dangers of my wanton behavior,and often put the butter into the fridge when I’m not looking.  Some people object to my keeping my coffee in the freezer, and my bread on the counter. Jeez, I don’t go into your kitchen and tell you what to do, though sometimes it’s pretty hard to hold my tongue.

I’ve seen you do some crazy stuff; I’ve seen you bread raw chicken and use just a dishtowel to wipe your hands; peel shrimp and then stir the stuff cooking on the stove without washing your hands; dump cooking oil down the drain; cook pasta in a covered pot until it’s mush; cook frozen meat; slice meat in the wrong direction; use the same platter that held the raw burgers for the cooked burgers; leave chili on the stove to cool overnight…  I sometimes say something if I think it’s a matter of safety, but generally I keep my screaming loud thoughts to myself.  I promise you I’m not putting anyone’s health in jeopardy by leaving my butter on the counter!

All that being said, I like the idea of cooking with friends, I like opening and sharing my kitchen, but like most people, I have my deal breakers.  On reflection, I guess getting along with others whether cooking or engaging in any other activities is really about how we get along in general, and if I’m feeling iffy about someone,  cooking with them might be a good litmus test of the relationship.  I promise to try not to correct you, and show you a better way to hold the knife, if’you’ll leave my butter alone!

How do you feel about sharing your kitchen?  Please leave a comment and let me know!