Shining My Flashlight on the Moon

Shining My Flashlight on the Moon is the title of both a song, and a CD by Christine Lavin. That image even more than the lyrics, has stayed with me since I first encountered it.  When I was nine I went to sleep-away camp for the first time. I spent the first week feeling very homesick. At night I would look up at the dark sky and shine my flashlight up thinking my parents were looking at the same sky, and would see my light. It comforted me, and became a ritual that got me through those days of homesickness.

My daughter made the decision to go to sleep-away camp when she was just eight. She described herself as shy, though she always made friends easily. This was the same summer I was going to be moving out of our house, though she didn’t know it yet. I think as a result I was projecting a bit of my own fear of homesickness onto her, and told her if she felt lonely for me she should shine her flashlight up into the sky and I would look for her beam of light.

Even now I still find ways to shine my flashlight into the night sky to communicate with those I can’t reach for one reason or another. Last week I stayed up way too late watching something on television just because I knew that someone I care for would be watching the same show.  Even though it was no more likely that he would be aware of it, than it was my parents would have seen that beam of light all those years ago, it made me feel like we were connected. Same sky, miles apart.

All of us are motivated by different things. Some people are driven by power, money, sex, even fear, but the people I want to know, the people I love, are the ones driven by connection. There are some connections we make easily, we naturally form our tribes, our cliques and even build families of choice. Others require much more time or patience and cajoling. Are they worth it, the ones that don’t fall into place easily, or are those early bumps in the road warning signs? If only it were that easy!

Sometimes I wish people came marked with warnings: dangerous under pressure; tends to be selfish; allergic to cats… Can you imagine the list that you’d come with? Yikes!!  But that is the beauty of getting to know someone, I often say, anyone you don’t find a little crazy, you just don’t know that well. We’re all damaged goods, but like those beautiful Japanese pots Kinstukuroi, that is what makes each of us unique and wonderful.  Well, not all of us, some people have been broken and ruined beyond mending.

Image courtesy of The Loveumentary

We don’t get a map to help us navigate through life. We all just bumble along, some with a bit more grace than others, but bumble and blunder we do. No matter how old I get I will continue shining my flashlight on the moon, or the night sky and finding ways to connect and stay connected. As this year draws to a close I am so grateful for all I have, all the love and comfort and joy in my life. I am grateful to you for spending some of your precious time reading this whether this is your first visit here or your 300^th (yes, this is my 300^th post)!