I Have to Pee (and So Does Everyone)

When I am at the mall, or a museum and I have to pee I don’t have to think about where I belong, or who I am, or how I am seen by the other people. I wait in line like all the other women, who also need to pee (right now) and step into a private stall and pee. I am the same gender I have been since birth, so I have never had to struggle with something that it turns out isn’t so simple. We all have to pee, but does it really matter where?

For some reason, where people pee has become a central and galvanizing issue; one that legislators are rushing to rule on, ostensibly to protect their young daughters. Of course this doesn’t make any sense if you actually know anyone who is transgender. If you have the ability to stop panicking about some boogey man, and give this issue about thirty seconds of actual thought and if you have the ability to think with even a shred of compassion you couldn’t possibly believe that forcing people to use the restroom designated for the sex on their birth certificate (rather than the for the gender they identify with) is a good idea.

I can only imagine this is a result of ignorance and misinformation about what it means to be transgender. Being transgender is not about being in drag, it is not about wearing a dress and a wig to gain access to children; it is about an internal struggle someone has been grappling with for most of their life. It isn’t a decision made lightly or on the spur of the moment. It is probably one of the most personal decisions a human can make. I can only imagine how challenging it must be to feel you are in not who you are supposed to be, something most trans people are aware of as young children.

Caitlin Jenner brought this issue right into America’s face with her Vanity Fair cover, and clearly she doesn’t belong in a men’s’ room. I am well aware that no one is voicing any concern about women in men’s rooms; this is about our poor defenseless daughters and wives who could be attacked by a man in a dress. I promise you no one is going through the ordeal of a sexual reassignment to molest your child, and sexual predators have access to children without needing a disguise.

Even if you’ve never met someone who is trans (that you know of, not that’s it’s any of your business BTW) surely you can appreciate that child molesters and sexual predators who are determined to harm children aren’t necessarily gender specific, and those (mostly) men have easy access to little boys in restrooms every day in every state. To cling to the belief that these men would dress as women as a way to prey on little girls is any more or less likely if we legislate who can use which bathroom is clearly living in some alternate universe where there is a birth certificate checking bouncer at the door of every public restroom.

To say these laws any make sense, and are enforceable is nothing short of stupid. To say they are protecting anyone is foolish and foolhardy, and to believe they are just and reasonable is cruel and hateful. I am astonished at the time and energy people are spending on this issue. I understand that people often feel fear when faced with something that doesn’t make sense to them, or they’ve never (knowingly) encountered. They are obviously toothless laws and assuming those who voted for them have at least a modicum of common sense the only reason for them to exist is to foster an atmosphere of enmity.

I am aware that sexual predators often don’t look like creepy old guys with long, greasy hair, holding rolled up newspapers, but sometimes look like well-dressed senators. As the mother of a daughter there are plenty of things that scare me, but I am capable of thinking them through, and articulating those fears so I can make decisions based on actual threats not imagined ones. I rely on my government to take action based on fact and reason not fear and paranoia. I hope that when you have to pee you will choose the restroom that seems appropriate for you, and that no one ever questions your right to be there.