My Dog is a Republican

I do not have a dog, and if I did, I assure you I would not have a bumper sticker that read My Dog is a Republican. My dog wouldn’t be a Republican. My dog would be an independent, or perhaps a Objectivist.  I have unaffiliated cats.

The other day as I was sitting in traffic waiting to move more than a few feet at a time I passed a car with this very bumper sticker. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. As I’m aware, I have a propensity to overthink almost everything, and a bumper sticker proclaiming the guy’s dog’s political affiliation got my gears spinning in overdrive (as my car sat).

The image stuck with me through my busy day, and when I got home I did what everyone does with something that gnaws at them; I Googled it. Turns out there is even a My Dog is a Republican video. A stupid video of a guy feeding his dog treats, and he only accepts food his owner says is from Republicans (and coincidentally only from his right hand. ‘It must have been hard to train him to do that’ she says sarcastically). 

My cats, being cats, have no interest in anything political. They would take food from anyone, and from either hand. Clearly I haven’t invested time indoctrinating training them. We are talking about cats after all. They do understand a few rules that they have the good graces to pretend to follow when I’m nearby. They don’t go on the table, counter or stove, in front of me. Often in the morning I see paw prints on the stove and am reminded that they do what they please. No self-respecting cat would be a Republican or even a Democrat. Cats are anarchists.

When I talk on the phone I wander around. If the weather is nice I sit outside for a bit, walking in and out of the house. I walk around the living room, trying to avoid sitting near my computer where I’ll be tempted with distractions. Last week as I wandered and talked I noticed a large bare spot on the rug. When I say large I mean about 3″X 4″ and when I say bare, I mean down to the warp. So much for avoiding distractions.

The culprit

My daughter and I moved the coffee table with the intention of turning the rug around and covering the hole with the table. James Bond (the perpetrator) sat on the stairs watching and laughing the way cats do when they have made a fool of you. There were several more bare spots of varying size, but too spread out for the coffee table to hide them all.  It wasn’t his guilty face that gave him away. Cats never look guilty, that is a dog thing. 

I have two cats; Abby and James Bond. James Bond (JB) is partial to scratching the carpets and rugs. He really goes to town on the carpet that covers the stairs and the 3rd floor landing. I hate that carpet, and dream of ripping it out. I discourage him, but I don’t like the carpeting so I’m not very emphatic. 

Because I’m not as smart as my cat I didn’t understand that he wouldn’t confine his vandalism to that one area. To JB all rugs are equal. Unfortunately, for me, the living room rug is one I am/was particularly fond of. It doesn’t pay to be angry at a cat, and I am particularly fond of him too. For now I suppose I’ll live with the damage.

I don’t need my pets to participate in the human insanity of this election season; I am grateful for their indifference. If your dog is a Republican all I can do is hope he/she isn’t registered, because that would be voter fraud, a fictitious problem you may have been warned about. If you see a dog at the polls, trying to vote, Republican or otherwise, please bark!