Doing Our Best

I had planned this post to be a recipe, or advice on preparation for Thanksgiving, and instead I wrote about the election, and those of us who are doing our best, or at least the best we can.

I have been reading Brene Brown’s Rising Strong, a book filled with stories many personal, about how we choose to respond to the challenges and setbacks we face. One particular story is about her own struggle with the idea that most of us are doing the best we can at any given moment. 

Tuesday’s election left me reeling, but not angry. I’m saddened to hear people say “Hate won” because I don’t think that’s accurate. I think fear and ignorance won. I agree that some of Trump’s followers are hateful, but not most of them. I cling to the belief that most of them made a decision with the information they had, and were doing the best they could. I’ve talked to a bunch of people way smarter than I am, and have shifted my frustration to understanding about how so many people could make a choice I never considered. 

The majority of us live in a bubble defined by our social media tribes. Mine tends to be educated, liberal, (mostly) women, and lots of food. Facebook understands me, and feeds me information based on my friends, my likes and the click bait I fall for. It knows where I shop, and, it seems, even what I buy. As a result of their algorithms they have identified me as someone who prefers liberal leaning “news”. People with a more conservative bias are fed a regular diet of conservative “news”.

The problem with this “news” is that it’s not news. It is lies and propaganda masquerading as news. It looks like news, reads like news, and if you’re not a careful reader, you can overlook poor grammar and misspelling. I do not suggest that my liberal “news” is any more credible than someone’s conservative “news”. However, Facebook is not my only source of news. I expose myself to a broad spectrum of information. This is not some virtue on my part; I have turned into a news junkie. 

If you are someone who relies mainly on social media for information, it’s easy to assume what you’re reading is true and accurate. If that steady drip of articles is filled with lies, misleading or false information, that becomes your story. If that drip tells you to be afraid you become afraid. If you then see a rich, powerful and charismatic man who repeats this misinformation to you with authority it reinforces that narrative. You have been played, and you have no idea. That’s how getting played works. It doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it means your sources are fallible.

So, back to doing our best. On Tuesday, most everyone voted based on what they believed would be best. They made a choice based on the information they had. They voted in what they thought was their own best interest, which is what we do. I don’t think all Trump supporters are racists, or at least they don’t think they are. Many of them don’t even know anyone who is other. Or they do, but they have been exposed to racist slurs and they consider them ‘just talk’, so they can live with them. Or they know someone who is ____, so “they don’t count”.  Meaning ‘my relationship with this person who is part of the group(s) I defame is exempt from that group because of me.‘

I lived in a town filled with people who used racial slurs that shocked and offended me. When I spoke up they’d brush me off, or not take my indignation seriously. Sometimes I’d bother to explain why what they said mattered, other times I walked away. I am willing to engage in conversation, but don’t waste my time trying to win over people who are immune to a different point of view . 

Are there haters? Absolutely. Are they doing the best they can? I think they may be. Does that mean we shouldn’t hold them accountable? Absolutely not. Doing your best doesn’t give you a pass, it just is a way to frame your point of view. If you choose to avoid the truth, or fail to question what you hear, see or read you will make an uninformed choice. If someone notifies you that what you think is true is not, and invites you to check a more credible source, if you have good intentions and a modicum of curiosity you will gladly investigate. 

Do I think Trump is doing the best he can? That is a tricky question. I think he believes in himself to a dangerous degree. He is also a flawed human being with what I think is a worrisome pathology. He is entitled and rich, and doesn’t seem to have the slightest clue what life is like for anyone outside his level of privilege. He lacks curiosity about almost everything outside his personal scope. He boasts about getting even. I believe these things because I have read and listened to his words, and based on that information, I did not want him to be president. 

Believing that most people are doing the best they can, is what will move me forward from this moment. It will allow me the space and peace to be open to what comes next. I am worried about many things, as an individual, as a citizen of the US and the world. I hope things get better, but I am doubtful. If they don’t I hope we can embrace our best intentions, do a little more research and do better next time.