Adjusting to a Pandemic

Living in a world that is adjusting to a pandemic is not nearly as much fun as I expected. Like millions of people all over the country, I am now out of work, and today is my fourth day of what has been defined by my employer as an indefinite furlough. I am sitting at my kitchen counter a bit stunned, fairly anxious, and to be honest, somewhat relieved.

What to do?

Each day I add to the list of projects I’ll tackle while my hiatus from earning a salary stretches into what feels like infinity. Like a nine-year-old, I am unable to imagine what four months is. I am afraid I will fritter away my precious time glued to Twitter, sharing my brilliant wisdom with an ungrateful public rather than cleaning out closets and culling collections of questionable acquisitions.

The last time we faced a pandemic I was young and intrepid. My sister gently reminded me I am no longer either. I need to be cautious, stay home and behave myself. I should send my daughter (home from college) to the grocery store and take solo walks. Not that I have tons of friends to visit, but I must not visit them either.

Yesterday I saw a post on Facebook reminding us it was Sunday, and I was grateful for the information. I’m only a few days in and I’m already feeling unmoored and disoriented. What am I supposed to do today? And who really cares if I do it, or do nothing more than watch more Netflix? I answer to no one, and that is dangerous.

Out of the Fray

So much for my anxiety, but what of my relief? I am out. Removed. Work had grown increasingly stressful in the week (was it just a week????) leading up to my temporary removal. Each day, Hell, each hour, arrived with changing directions and SOPs. Everything was an emergency (and I don’t work in the medical field). Each day I wondered; was this the last day?

Last Thursday afternoon I texted my boss, “Are we to report to work tomorrow?” It was 4:00 p.m. Her response, “I don’t know yet.” The calls started going out shortly after that as my co-workers shared texts that they had “gotten the call.” It took until 6:00 for me to get my call. Did they know when we might return? No.

I am not a particularly disciplined individual. In the days leading up to my layoff, I assured myself that at least I could swim every day. Then the gym closed. Ever one to set realistic goals, I decided I’d take a walk daily. I’ll write every day too. I have yet to walk farther than the corner, and though I’ve been jotting a few paragraphs in my journal each morning, this is the first piece of writing I’ve completed so far.

I’ll try to do better. I’ll try to write often (if not daily). To walk on days that aren’t cold and rainy as today is. To return to the pool when it re-opens, and clean a little each day as my mom always recommended— just 20 minutes a day. Adjusting to a pandemic is challenging, but we can do it together, but alone.