Runny Eggs

Right from the start I will state I don’t like runny eggs. Runny eggs, however are taking over the world, so I think I may need to learn to like them. Half the food pictures I see when I scroll through Instagram are dishes of all manner topped with runny eggs, some poached, some fried, all of them gooey and unappetizing. I like my eggs scrambled, or if I am in the mood (and this is very important) hard boiled and made into either egg salad, or deviled eggs. When did runny eggs take over the world?

Several weeks ago out of the clear blue, I got about ten texts from a friend rhapsodizing about her love of runny eggs. When I finally admitted that I don’t really like them it was like throwing water on a fire. I regretted saying anything, but I couldn’t go on with the conversation pretending I shared her obvious passion; I had to be honest. I have no idea why anyone thinks it will improve a perfectly good cheeseburger, stack of pancakes, or bowl of ramen by topping it with a poached or fried egg. When I am out for brunch (not nearly often enough BTW) I generally order my X-Benedict (get it?) with the eggs scrambled.

When I was very little (maybe three or four) I regularly had a soft-boiled egg for breakfast. My mom would put it in a blue and white egg-cup on a plate with ‘duckies’ which were strips of toast that I’d dip into my runny egg. One morning I got a piece of shell in my mouth, and though I admit it was a snap decision, I was done with soft-boiled eggs forever! I have never looked back, and to this day am a bit skittish about finding shell in my egg dishes. (Maybe this is a subject for my therapist’s couch.)

If you are keeping track, you can add this to the list of my food dislikes/aversions that cause me culinary shame. I have eaten runny eggs when they are served (I am not completely without manners), but if I can find a way to avoid them I will. Though most of the world probably thinks I’m nuts, or just wrong, at least I am not alone. Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows of my love/hate relationship with Food Network (though if they offered me a job I would take it in a second!) and last week I was watching one of the 87,758* episodes of Diners, Drivers and Dives, a pizza edition, and the chef was making an amazing, mouthwatering pizza, and then, broke an egg over it, simultaneously Guy Fieri and I emitted the same plaintive “Nooooooooooooo”.

“Grow up” you say, “Get over it!” you demand, “Are you serious?” you ask. OK, you may have a point, but think of all the eggs I’m saving for you. I haven’t done any research on the subject, but it seems that this mania for topping every dish leaving a restaurant kitchen with an egg is having a significant impact on overall egg consumption. True, I am avidly against calorie counting, but do you really need to add 100 calories to your deep fried meatloaf and smoked gouda sandwich? Wouldn’t it be just as good with a little mayo instead of an egg? Really, I’m asking, would it? What is your favorite egg topped food?

*this is merely an estimate